Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The ring that makes me want to puke...

Photo Courtesy of AMagill

America, our priorities are whacked.

I just saw a "news" story that Kim Kardashian is getting engaged. Go Kim. The story was actually more about her engagement ring which costs over $2,000,000!!!!

Yes, folks. Over $2 million dollars. In an age where schools are going without supplies and there are children starving in our own backyard(s) and we are supposed to swallow this without choking? Why don't you rub our faces in the excrement of our pride while you're at it?

You know how long it would take me to afford a $2 million dollar ring, working at my current salary? 40 freaking years!!!

I've been at my job for 11 years already, and it would still take me that long. What do I do? Nothing much. Just a teacher of your children. Nothing worth a basketball player's salary.

Way to go America. If you ask one more time why we can't recruit good teachers to the schools, you can go choke on Kim's ring.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Zombie for the whole family

Unless you've been hiding underneath a rock, you've probably heard about two earth-shattering occurrences this week that can help change the face of the world as we know it.

#1) The CDC has finally decided to take the impending Zombie Apocalypse as the serious threat to humanity that it is, and released preparedness guidelines for the imminent attack.

#2) Some geniuses have used new math to figure out that Judgement Day, also known as the "Rapture" is scheduled for tomorrow, May 21st.

Both of these have been revealed to mankind at the same time. Coincidence?

I think not!

Obviously, if you have one ounce of intelligence, you will realize that the so-called "rapture" is the cover for the fact that the Zombie Apocalypse is about to be unleashed upon us. It's coming. Tomorrow, God will come and call home all those who don't have brains. Why? Zombies don't care about people without brains. This leaves all of the rest of us to be prime Zombie bait. Thanks, God. Way to hold a grudge about that stupid apple-thing.

Photo Courtesy of alifeinbits

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Tin Man is a total Dumb Ass. Just saying...

Courtesy of fractured-fairytales

 Man, I thought last weekend sucked.

Thanks for showing me you can always one-up yourself, universe!

I'm sitting here now, wondering what the hell the Tin Man was thinking--he wanted a heart? Really? I'd gladly give him mine right now. Except, I'm busy sweeping up all of the little pieces off the floor (hold me back, I may be going emo).

The human heart is a strange thing, indeed. It's memory is frighteningly short. It regenerates--slower than a freaking snail in molasses. It threatens to usurp your brain at every turn. It's kind of like a kid let loose in a candy shop--it's going to over-indulge, forgetting that too much candy makes you crazy, ignoring the brain's message that you will make yourself barf if you don't stop sucking down the crap, right now!

And so you barf. And then your heart sits there, crying, wondering why something bad happened. Stupid organ.

So back to this idiot Tin Man. The Wizard gives him a freaking clock in the shape of a heart, and he gets all emotional. The thing ticks and he thinks life is good. You know what else ticks? Bombs. Nice one, Mr. Wizard. Give the metrosexual, metal man a heart that you know is only going to explode on the poor sap.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Reasons why this weekend sucks

I think I am declaring this weekend as the suckiest ever for 2011. Why?

1) I actually was sick enough to have a fever. Lovely.

2) Apparently, I am dating someone who is more complicated than the Death Star Lego set.

3) My car has decided it wants a new catalytic converter, no matter what.

4) I was supposed to go see my cousin star in his school musical, until foiled by reason #1.

5) I started #35 on my "40 by 40" list only to fail within 36 hours. Damn you to hell, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.

The only thing about this weekend that didn't suck?

The fact that I still have a mom to celebrate Mother's Day with. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms who let us live to adulthood!
Even your mother was young, once!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

No. 35 is in effect by default...

Photo Courtesy of Dottie Mae
Number 35 on my "40 by 40" list is to drink only water for a whole week. This is one of my more health-driven goals, since, even diet drinks are full of crap and chemicals. And homo-sapiens appeared to do pretty well at surviving a few millennia without any G2.

Did I plan on attacking this goal right now? Nope. But I have been slammed with a vicious cold/flu-evil-virus-thing, and water is all I *should* be drinking. So I figure, why not now?

Now I just have to figure out how I can get Ice Capps (if you don't have a Tim Horton's near you, you'll have no idea what I'm talking about) to count as a food, and not a drink!