Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I'll take Ron Hawkins. Thanks for the idea, Google.

I've discovered it's a pretty bad idea to approach Google with any sort of "why" question. While I love their cute, little algorithm that tries to predict what my question will be, it's pretty effed up.

Seriously? There is someone who questions why you can't "own" a Canadian? And there is a higher likelihood that someone will be searching for that answer than why their poop is green (which is a very fair question, I grant you.)

So rather than getting morally enraged at the idea of owning another human being, I immediately think of which Canadian I would like to purchase. Ron Hawkins. Hands down. If you don't know who he is, that probably explains why we aren't friends. Or at least why I won't return your emails.

Ever hear of Lowest of the Low? Well, that definitely explains why we aren't friends. Or why we are friends, since, yeah, I acknowledge that most of my readers are my friends. Who probably already know that I would snap up Ron Hawkins at an auction in a heartbeat. I'd be an awesome owner, mind you. I'd just have him sing a lot, and maybe do some light cleaning. I hate cleaning. And I'd even give him paid time off. How's that for enlightened ownership?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

I've discovered the reason education is such a mess in NY State...

It's simple, really. Potential educators, seeking employment in NY State quickly realize that the state education department is valued as highly as erectile dysfunction.

Teaching jobs in NY. Ranked only slightly higher than Erectile Dysfunction.

I think we've got a new state slogan in the making.