Rachel Baron Writes...

Best use of a new camera...EVER!

2011-08-27T16:14:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been a month since I posted? What the heck have I been doing? Oh, that's right...enjoying my summer! I should warn you know that if you love dogs, you will love this post. If you don't love dogs...what the hell is wrong with you?

Sadly, my old trusty, refurbished, 5 megapixel camera decided to bite the dust recently. I had planned on getting a new camera, just not right now. Being a teacher means being broke the last couple weeks of August and the first week of September, and shelling out a few hundred for a camera right now was not what I had planned for. But the universe doesn't really care what we want, so it killed my camera. Thanks, universe, you're a peach.

Why I am babbling about a camera? Because my new one has a setting where you can take "rapid burst" shots; that is multiple shots of moving objects within a second or so. It's amazing if you have a moving object in front of you. Which I usually do. Enter Zoe, the world's craziest chocolate lab.

So what have I been doing with my new, expensive camera? Taking multiple (OK, hundreds) of pictured of Zoe. she now knows what it is like to be stalked by the paparazzi, though she puts up with it, because the paparazzi also feeds her. Maybe the real paparazzi should take the hint, and start bringing burgers and fries with them as a peace offering when they go on "assignment".

I'll shut up now, and share with you some of the goofier snapshots. I dare you not to smile.

And Happy Dog is Happy. =)

Lemons + Sugar Water = Heaven in a glass

2011-07-28T20:11:00.001-04:00

I've managed to cross another one of my "40 by 40" items off of my list: #29 was to make homemade lemonade. No Country Time crap allowed. I'm not even sure why I really put this on my list other than the few times I have had homemade lemonade at street fairs, it was a gustatory orgasm. I guess that can be reason enough.

Who knew there was a recipe? Apparently what makes handmade lemonade taste so good is the ridiculous amount of sugar required. I thought it couldn't possible dissolve in the small amount of water the recipe stated, but, lo and behold, it worked.

See that kids? That's sugar water!

Next came the painstaking task of juicing the lemons. I say painstaking, because I don't own a juicer, not even the cheap little plastic ones that look like a baby's toy. I squeezed all of those suckers by hand. BY HAND!

But, damn, it was worth it!

Screw ambrosia! Lemonade is where it's at!

I wanted to cry, it was so damn good. I will never, ever drink the manufactured crap again. And honestly, the recipe was so easy. I got it off of Allrecipes.com. Click here if you want to create your own handmade, orgasmic lemonade!

Fresh, hot crabs & ditching Ellicottville

2011-07-22T13:24:00.001-04:00

So my "40 by 40" list is progressing painfully slow. Painfully. Slow. Which is why I started it over two years before I turn 40...because I'm a procrastinator like that. But I have managed to cross a couple off of the list!

Number 8 was to eat fish caught that day from the ocean. Which I kind of did. Only they were crabs...tasty, tasty blue crabs. On vacation in Delaware, I had to opportunity to attack a mound of these babies, twice, with a little help from some friends.

Fresh, hot, crabs...mmmmmm

Eating these crabs was proof that the "food can be fun" experience can still be had when you're an adult. In addition to the crab, I had the best fresh salmon ever, and a fresh cod fillet. Considering I live in Buffalo, NY, I'm a little worried about the fact that fresh fish is hard to come by, and will be forced to resume eating the frozen kind once more.

Another item on the list was Number 9: Visit Ellicottville for the day. I had always heard others speak of Ellicottville as a great place to go have some fun. I drove through Ellicottville recently, on my way to another destination, and frankly, I was unimpressed. So I visited Ellicottville for the 45 seconds it took for me to drive through the main part of town, and I'm declaring that enough. Unless someone wants to show me the other side of Ellicottville, which makes it something special.

Proof you're never too old to act like a giggling 14 year old girl.

2011-07-19T21:40:00.000-04:00

I am way behind on my blog here. Waaaaay behind. Sorry about that. I wish I could say my absence was due to the fact that I rescued and rehabilitated a multitude of blind, three-legged puppies, but I was just being lazy. After the school year ended, I didn't want to do anything that required more thought than, say, breathing.

But I have been having fun. I read a post by Johnny B. Truant which simultaneously reminded me that I am but a blip on the screen, and caused me to grow a pair of cojones for once. I may be a blip, but I was going to start doing epic shit.

Enter The Lowest of the Low. I've mentioned them before, when I decided, if I was going to buy a Canadian, it would be Ron Hawkins. They were playing at Buffalo's Thursday in the Square, which was moved to the Central Wharf. That's Buffalo, always changing their minds.

They were freaking awesome.

Nice close up of Ron on the jumbo tron...

After the concert ended, much too early, people slowly filed their way out of the wharf. My friends, Amy and Janine had enjoyed the concert with me, albeit, I don't think either one of them ever gave thought to actually buying Ron Hawkins. But I'm used to be the oddball, and frankly I don't want anyone else getting ideas about buying Ron, because then there would be a bidding war, and I am working with a teacher's salary here, people!

So as we are slowly filing our way out, we see him. Amy and I start giggling like a couple of choir camp nerds running into Josh Grobin at the supermarket. OMG! It's Ron Hawkins! And because we can sometime be really, really lame, we first tried to do the "fake" pic with a celebrity thing. Notice Amy looking suave, trying to appear next to the blob that is Ron Hawkins' head.

Very smooth.

Looking at this pic on my phone, I began to feel disgraced. I was supposed to be doing epic shit. Not lame-ass shit. So I said what the hell...and actually spoke to Ron Hawkins, even if it was just to ask if he would take a pic with two middle-aged broads.

He touched my back, y'all!!!

Thank God we held it together until he was out of earshot, when we began shrieking like a couple of hormonal teenagers. But, we were epic, AND we had photographic evidence. Take that, universe!

Who wants to drive a Dodge Lady-parts truck?

2011-06-19T13:14:00.000-04:00

Between insaneness at work, and an attempted coup by a nasty tribe of bacteria, I haven't had the time to even think of writing a new post. Or maybe this was just the universe's way of telling me to keep my trap shut.

But I'm feeling better! Take *that*, universe!

First thing I just have to share? One of my students (17 years old), enlightened all of us in class one morning by sharing the fact that he believes that the Dodge Ram logo looks "like lady-parts." In his defense...

Graphic from graphicshunt.com

Source

I will never think of a Dodge Ram in the same way again.

Even more disturbing?

When I googled "female reproductive system diagram," a bunch of testes also showed up. Someone out there is very, very confused.

A graphic of the cover for "Spot's Magical Christmas" by Eric Hill also showed up. Someone out there is going to be very, very disappointed when they open their gift this year.

The ring that makes me want to puke...

2011-05-25T20:13:00.000-04:00

Photo Courtesy of AMagill

America, our priorities are whacked.

I just saw a "news" story that Kim Kardashian is getting engaged. Go Kim. The story was actually more about her engagement ring which costs over $2,000,000!!!!

Yes, folks. Over $2 million dollars. In an age where schools are going without supplies and there are children starving in our own backyard(s) and we are supposed to swallow this without choking? Why don't you rub our faces in the excrement of our pride while you're at it?

You know how long it would take me to afford a $2 million dollar ring, working at my current salary? 40 freaking years!!!

I've been at my job for 11 years already, and it would still take me that long. What do I do? Nothing much. Just a teacher of your children. Nothing worth a basketball player's salary.

Way to go America. If you ask one more time why we can't recruit good teachers to the schools, you can go choke on Kim's ring.

The Zombie Rapture...fun for the whole family

2011-05-20T19:33:00.001-04:00

Unless you've been hiding underneath a rock, you've probably heard about two earth-shattering occurrences this week that can help change the face of the world as we know it.

#1) The CDC has finally decided to take the impending Zombie Apocalypse as the serious threat to humanity that it is, and released preparedness guidelines for the imminent attack.

#2) Some geniuses have used new math to figure out that Judgement Day, also known as the "Rapture" is scheduled for tomorrow, May 21st.

Both of these have been revealed to mankind at the same time. Coincidence?

I think not!

Obviously, if you have one ounce of intelligence, you will realize that the so-called "rapture" is the cover for the fact that the Zombie Apocalypse is about to be unleashed upon us. It's coming. Tomorrow, God will come and call home all those who don't have brains. Why? Zombies don't care about people without brains. This leaves all of the rest of us to be prime Zombie bait. Thanks, God. Way to hold a grudge about that stupid apple-thing.

Photo Courtesy of alifeinbits

The Tin Man is a total Dumb Ass. Just saying...

2011-05-15T18:16:00.001-04:00

Courtesy of fractured-fairytales

Man, I thought last weekend sucked.

Thanks for showing me you can always one-up yourself, universe!

I'm sitting here now, wondering what the hell the Tin Man was thinking--he wanted a heart? Really? I'd gladly give him mine right now. Except, I'm busy sweeping up all of the little pieces off the floor (hold me back, I may be going emo).

The human heart is a strange thing, indeed. It's memory is frighteningly short. It regenerates--slower than a freaking snail in molasses. It threatens to usurp your brain at every turn. It's kind of like a kid let loose in a candy shop--it's going to over-indulge, forgetting that too much candy makes you crazy, ignoring the brain's message that you will make yourself barf if you don't stop sucking down the crap, right now!

And so you barf. And then your heart sits there, crying, wondering why something bad happened. Stupid organ.

So back to this idiot Tin Man. The Wizard gives him a freaking clock in the shape of a heart, and he gets all emotional. The thing ticks and he thinks life is good. You know what else ticks? Bombs. Nice one, Mr. Wizard. Give the metrosexual, metal man a heart that you know is only going to explode on the poor sap.

Reasons why this weekend sucks

2011-05-08T19:58:00.000-04:00

I think I am declaring this weekend as the suckiest ever for 2011. Why?

1) I actually was sick enough to have a fever. Lovely.

2) Apparently, I am dating someone who is more complicated than the Death Star Lego set.

3) My car has decided it wants a new catalytic converter, no matter what.

4) I was supposed to go see my cousin star in his school musical, until foiled by reason #1.

5) I started #35 on my "40 by 40" list only to fail within 36 hours. Damn you to hell, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi.

The only thing about this weekend that didn't suck?

The fact that I still have a mom to celebrate Mother's Day with. Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms who let us live to adulthood!

Even your mother was young, once!

No. 35 is in effect by default...

2011-05-07T18:39:00.000-04:00

Photo Courtesy of Dottie Mae

Number 35 on my "40 by 40" list is to drink only water for a whole week. This is one of my more health-driven goals, since, even diet drinks are full of crap and chemicals. And homo-sapiens appeared to do pretty well at surviving a few millennia without any G2.

Did I plan on attacking this goal right now? Nope. But I have been slammed with a vicious cold/flu-evil-virus-thing, and water is all I *should* be drinking. So I figure, why not now?

Now I just have to figure out how I can get Ice Capps (if you don't have a Tim Horton's near you, you'll have no idea what I'm talking about) to count as a food, and not a drink!

I'll take Ron Hawkins. Thanks for the idea, Google.

2011-04-27T16:34:00.001-04:00

I've discovered it's a pretty bad idea to approach Google with any sort of "why" question. While I love their cute, little algorithm that tries to predict what my question will be, it's pretty effed up.

Seriously? There is someone who questions why you can't "own" a Canadian? And there is a higher likelihood that someone will be searching for that answer than why their poop is green (which is a very fair question, I grant you.)

So rather than getting morally enraged at the idea of owning another human being, I immediately think of which Canadian I would like to purchase. Ron Hawkins. Hands down. If you don't know who he is, that probably explains why we aren't friends. Or at least why I won't return your emails.

Ever hear of Lowest of the Low? Well, that definitely explains why we aren't friends. Or why we are friends, since, yeah, I acknowledge that most of my readers are my friends. Who probably already know that I would snap up Ron Hawkins at an auction in a heartbeat. I'd be an awesome owner, mind you. I'd just have him sing a lot, and maybe do some light cleaning. I hate cleaning. And I'd even give him paid time off. How's that for enlightened ownership?

I've discovered the reason education is such a mess in NY State...

2011-04-17T21:23:00.000-04:00

It's simple, really. Potential educators, seeking employment in NY State quickly realize that the state education department is valued as highly as erectile dysfunction.

Teaching jobs in NY. Ranked only slightly higher than Erectile Dysfunction.

I think we've got a new state slogan in the making.